Creation

If it wasn’t so Funny I’d Cry

By Karl Priest April 8, 2009 (revised 10-5-11)

The first meeting in April (in honor of National Atheist day on the 1st) our local creation group does something to mock evolutionism. We have had a lot of fun. One good demo is the Hovind "Evolution of the Fork". Another is the evolution of nuts, bolts, washers, nails, and screws. How about smashing a wrist watch and asking someone to keep shaking the parts until it reassembles? Have someone shaking a box of puzzle pieces. Bring in a squashed bug and do a routine about everything being there except life. Use monkey puppets for some gags. Use cartoons on overheads transparencies or slides. There is all kinds of humor you can use if you start thinking about it.

Evolutionism needs to take the place of blondes and rednecks as a joke generator. Marshall Hall says the downfall of evolutionism will occur sooner when comedians start working on it. Some disapprove of this strategy, but keep in mine we are referring to hard core believers in evolutionism.

I was aboard a Navy ship a Polish shipmate kept me in stitches with what he called "Pollock" jokes. Since then I've met others of Polish heritage who always had a good one. Now, it's probably politically incorrect and has evolved into blond jokes. I had a brilliant 7th grade female student who liked to tell "man" jokes. Hey, being a man I have to admit my gender does some things that are great fodder for jokes. Reasonable people can draw the line short of being offensive.

Still, I think belief in evolution must become equated with belief in nonsense. If the public gets this mindset we won't have to fight the public school curriculum. There is an abundance of real science available--which is neglected due to lack of time--that teachers can use to fill any void left by decreasing evolution teaching time. Instead of fighting to overcome a student mindset of cynicism, teachers can give a limited lesson on evolution and refer the students to philosophy classes for a more detailed study.

I don't expect every creationist to embrace this strategy. We need people that are true scientists. We need people that are peacekeepers. It takes all personalities to have a vital impact for the Truth. However, there is a niche for those who approach things in an "in your face" way. There is a large percentage of the population who communicate that way. It's not hateful.

Along this line, I've been thinking about the current strategy by the Intelligent Design folks of "teaching evolution, warts and all." To me, a wart is a blemish on the human body. To refer to evolution in the aforementioned way is to place it on the level of the wonderfully designed human body and say it has a few blemishes. And, worse, let's leave them there. I think we need to push the analogy of evolution being a WART on the body of science. A wart is ugly and infectious and should be appropriately treated. One method is to apply heat. Humor could be that heat.

None of the following evolution jokes are original to me. You can adapt about any joke to fit, so have fun with your own.

HOW MANY EVOLUTIONISTS DOES IT TAKE TO SCREW IN A LIGHT BULB? None. Given enough time, random processes will assemble a new bulb in the socket.

HOW MANY EVOLUTIONISTS DOES IT TAKE TO SCREW IN A LIGHT BULB? Evolutionists have not yet evolved to that point.

WHAT DO YOU CALL IT WHEN CHEMICALS IN A PRIMORDIAL SOUP EVOLVE INTO DARWINISTS? Soup to nuts.

WHY DID THE EVOLUTIONIST CROSS THE ROAD? He was recapitulating "life in the chicken stage."

CHARLES DARWIN WALKED INTO AN ELEGANT VICTORIAN RESTAURANT WITH A CHIMPANZEE.

THE MAITRE D' IMMEDIATELY PROTESTED. "SIR," HE SAID, "YOU CAN'T BRING THAT VILE, DISGUSTING BEAST IN HERE!" "IT'S QUITE ALL RIGHT, MY GOOD MAN" SAID DARWIN, "I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT CHIMPANZEES ARE VERY NEARLY HUMAN." WHAT

DID THE MAITRE D' REPLY? "I'm not talking to you--I'm talking to the ape."

IF YOU WERE SENTENCED TO SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE ON A DESERT ISLAND, BUT COULD TAKE ANY OF CHARLES DARWIN'S BOOKS WITH YOU TO READ, WHAT SHOULD YOU TAKE? Poison.

Knock Knock. "WHO'S THERE?" Darwin. " DARWIN WHO?" That's what they'll be saying 50 years from now--Darwin WHO?

WHAT DID THE FAMOUS PALEOANTHROPOLOGIST SAY WHEN GRANT MONEY STARTED POURING IN? "I love Lucy."

DESCRIBE DR. DUANE GISH, AN AUSTRALOPITHECINE, AND CHARLES DARWIN. A champ, a chimp and a chump.

AFTER DARWIN DISCOVERED HE WAS EVOLVED FROM AN APE, HOW FREQUENTLY DID HE BATHE? He didn't bother taking baths--he used flea powder.

BESIDES LINKS, WHAT ELSE WAS DARWIN MISSING? His marbles.

IF SIX MONKEYS POKED RANDOMLY AT TYPEWRITERS FOR FIVE BILLION YEARS, WOULD THEY WRITE THE COMPLETE WORKS OF SHAKESPEARE? No, but they would write the lyrics to Tommy Roe's "Sweet Pea," the script for "Billy Jack," and the game-by-game strategy of the Chicago Cubs since 1909.

DESCRIBE THE STEP-BY-STEP EVOLUTION OF CHARLES DARWIN. Slime, cooties, sponge, anchovy, piranha, snake, weasel, skunk, jackass, swine, baboon, imbecile, Darwin

WHAT DOES DARWIN'S THEORY HAVE IN COMMON WITH INSECT-CONTAINING AMBER? They're both full of bugs and started by a sap.

WHAT KIND OF EVOLUTIONARY THEORY IS PUNCTUATED EQUILIBRIUM"? A fast one.

DARWIN 'S UNDERSTANDING OF BIOLOGY QUALIFIED HIM FOR WORK IN WHAT TYPE OF CELLS? Padded ones.

WHY DID DARWIN SAY MAN LOST HIS TAIL? He was out of his tree

Since evolution postulates that everything happens by chance, a group of prominent Darwinists decided to hold their annual convention in the banquet room of a Las Vegas casino. During the convention lunch, the casino provided entertainment in the form of a ventriloquist act. The ventriloquist happened to be a creationist, and he began making jokes about evolution through his wooden dummy. He told the one about the evolutionist and the farmer's daughter, the one about the evolutionist who gets shipwrecked on a desert island with a creationist, and many other jokes. The audience remained grim throughout. Undaunted, the ventriloquist proceeded. "Hey, Sammy," he said, "you wanna dig up some apemen skulls?" "Sure," said the dummy, "wait here while I get the paint and the tooth file." Finally, one professor could stand it no longer. He threw down his napkin, stood up and shouted: "Sir, I am sure I speak for all of us when I protest the insults you have heaped upon this distinguished body! Do you not know that there are PhDs here from Yale and Princeton? I myself am a professor of paleoanthropology at Harvard!" "In particular," the professor continued, "I resent your insinuations that we are doing a lot of guesswork when we say that man came from apes! Paleoanthropology is an exact science! Why, there is not a scholar in this room who could not instantly distinguish one type of fossil man from another! How dare you--a man of low and vulgar comedy--suggest that we are stupid! I will have you know, sir, that WE DARWINISTS ARE NOT STUPID!" "Well," said the ventriloquist sheepishly, "these are just jokes. They aren't meant to be taken seriously." "I'm not talking to you!" roared the professor. "I'm talking to that little twerp sitting on your knee!"

Some scientists decide that since they know how to do everything--create life--that God should be told to retire. God demurs so they challenge him to a contest. God starts by reaching down and; taking a handful of dirt, breathes into it, & a living creature emerges. The scientists think that's easy enough to match since living things are made up of the same elements as dirt, so one bends down to pick up a handful of dirt. "No, no" God interrupts. "You get your own dirt."

I saw an advertisement on TV last night from Kentucky Fried Chicken promoting a Big Bang sandwich!! It showed a couple guys pondering the start of the universe by a Big Bang, and then promo for this new sandwich called the Big Bang. I don't suppose the sandwich assembles itself in the fast food restaurant?!! Nor would an explosion in a KFC produce anything edible I'm sure! Can the steady state or plasma sandwiches be far behind? How about those who think that reality is an illusion? Do they pay their money and then pretend to eat a sandwich?

Q: WHAT WAS HOLDING THE THEORY OF DINOSAUR-TO-BIRD TOGETHER? A: Superglue.

Q: WHAT IS ARCHEORAPTOR LIONINGENIS' FAVORITE COUNTRY HIT SONG? A:"I Fall to Pieces" by Patsy Cline

Evo “Logic”: Define evolution as change, then call all change evolution, then accept any change as proof of evolution, then turn around and claim such change disproves creation. (Adapted from Evidence News 13/09 18th November 2009 – Darwin’s Glasses)

For some wonderful examples of statements made by Dr. Joseph Mastropaolo see “Joe’s Gems.”

For ROTFL videos watch Ian Juby’s rants on YouTube. Just search YouTube for “ CrEvo Rant”.

EVOLUTION IS A LIE!